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It was the talking like that in a boring old parking garage that hooked me on that first date.

And in those conversations Mormonism came up several times.

I remember having similar conversations on at least two or three occasions about things like the Mormon modesty dress code or the Word of Wisdom being means of social control.

And I worried that J(wh) was doing something very similar to what J(2) had done—constructing the same argument over and over, asking me to make sense of something he found nonsensical in the name of wanting to understand but really in order to force me to change that thinking. I knew I couldn’t handle the pain of falling for another wonderful man who couldn’t accept my religious beliefs. I canceled our fourth date on the rather flimsy excuse of not feeling well.

In many ways our relationship was very good, but we both knew it couldn’t last more than a few months for a variety of reasons.

Although we had several intense conversations about our different religious beliefs, our relationship ended for much more pragmatic reasons.

Since that conversation in London, I’ve dated three men who are not members of the church.

I’d been friends with the first—J(1)—for a couple of years before our relationship became romantic.

We had a wonderful first date and dated for about ten weeks.But our differences in religious belief were problematic from the beginning.Eventually I realized that, almost every time I saw him, J(2) would manipulate me into justifying my belief in God.Fortunately I have a conscience that made me feel bad for doing so, so I proposed an alternate date for a few days later.But even as I did, I contemplated canceling that one, too.

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